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Windows 95 - The Right Choice

Topic: windows

Windows 95 - The right choice

Newest propaganda campaign from Redmond

So you've all heard of OS/2 Warp. Here's why Windows 95 is the right operating system for you:

Enhanced error handling:

Over the past 12 months, MicroSoft has been working intensively on the bugs inherent in Windows 3.1. The result: an advanced operating system with greatly enhanced bugs. All of the Windows 3.1 bugs are present in Windows 95, and run faster than ever. We have also introduced a range of new bugs never before seen in an operating system of this type. Whether you are a professional programmer, a casual user, or a game player, Windows 95 offers a larger range of bugs than any other operating system on the market.

32-bit Memory Management:

Windows 95 offers full 32-bit management of 16 bit memory. After a considerable amount of work, the familiar "General Protection Fault" is nowhere to be seen. The GPF has been replaced by two significantly improved errors:

"Specific Protection Fault" - used to corrupt an individual 16-bit process.

"Global Protection Fault" - this powerful memory management facility will allow a corrupt process not only to corrupt all other running processes, but corrupt processes on all other machines within a five-mile radius. Even now we are developing "pre-emptive" memory management, which will be able to corrupt processes which are not yet running.

Threaded Multi-Tasking:

The cooperative multi-tasking found in Windows 3.1 has now been replaced with the far more powerful "uncooperative multi-tasking". This enhancement will allow several processes to crash simultaneously. Our new crash protection facility greatly enhances the multi-tasking environment. Should one process fail, the CPF will prevent this process from being disturbed by other cleanly running processes. The multi-threading environment allows one process to generate multiple errors, while still remaining separate from other threads.

Time Saving Abilities:

Everyone has had their system crash whilst editing a document that had not yet been saved. Re-entering the lost data can be frustrating and time-consuming. Windows 95 eliminates this problem by causing processes to crash much earlier, significantly reducing data loss.

So, anyone can see why Windows 95 offers greater power at a greater price than any other operating system available today. So, when choosing your next operating system, remember our motto:

Windows 95 - Tomorrow's Bugs, Today.

Important

This document is not a product of MicroSoft Corporation (duh, the spelling is too good anyway). None of the material contained within has been derived from beta-testing of Windows 95 (call it a sort of educated guess). It is for amusement purposes only, so if you don't find it funny, feel free not to laugh.


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