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Scientists Create New Element Bureaucratium.

Topic: science

Scientists Create New Element, Bureaucratium.

Grave Consequences Feared.

Scientists at the Atomic Research Center 'RISOE' in Denmark, while examining the properties of the recently discovered element Administratium (Ad), accidentally created a new element by fusing two atoms of Administratium.

Readers will recall that the scientists discovering Administratium found it to have one Neutron, 125 assistants to the Neutron, 75 Vice- Neutrons, and 111 assistants to the Vice-Neutrons. This gave it an atomic mass of 312. The 312 particles were found to be held together by a force involving the continuous exchange of mesa-like particles called "memos." Because of the lack of protons or electrons, Administratium was found to be inert.

The new element, which the scientists have named Bureaucratium (Bu), like Administratium, has no Protons or Electrons but has two Neutrons. When first measured it was found to have an atomic mass of 657. This is more than the combined 624 atomic mass of the two Administratium particles from which it was created. The mechanism behind this mass gain is as yet unexplained but initial measurements indicate that it is the result of spontaneous creation of additional assistants to the Neutrons, which in turn cause the creation of additional Vice-Neutrons and assistants to the Vice-Neutron.

Continued measurements revealed Bureaucratium to be a "super-stable" element with a mass that continually INCREASES. A second set of tests found that it had a mass of 984 and was suspected to have gained an additional Neutron. "This is very worrisome" states professor Stuhre Bang "The Bureaucratium particles are being held together by forces much stronger than the 'memos' created by the exchange of mesa-like particles in Administratium." "We have called this new force 'Red Tape'" says professor Bang "and we have discovered that it strengthens exponentially with the mass of the element. This gives Bureaucratium properties similar to 'Black Holes' and we may not be able to stop its growth"

It has been two weeks since this reporter interviewed professor Stuhre Bang at RISOE and since then the mass of the originally created Bureaucratium element has grown to 2.57 times 10 to the 43rd. and has consumed the entire left wing of the physics lab. The lab, as a result of this unprecedented mass gain has sunk 9 feet into the ground. "At this rate of growth" says professor Bang "the element will have gained a mass equivalent to the mass of the Earth at about the same time it has sunk into Earths core."

"We are beginning to understand some of the physics behind this element" continued professor Stuhre Bang "we theorize that every time Bureaucratium reaches a mass containing twelve Neutrons it transforms itself into a 'Union' which we call Euro-Parlementarium."

Where Administratium was found to have a "half-life" of approximately three years, Bureaucratium was initially found to have a "double-life" of three days, "this element actually doubles at decreasing intervals" states professor Bang. Part of the explanation seems to be the mass gain caused by the reorganization forces found in Administratium and is multiplied by the establishment of something called Commissions, especially so-called "Fast-Acting" Commissions.

Every attempt to pin down the positions of minute particles in Bureaucratium such as the Vice-Neutron result in the immediate formation of something called "study-groups" with a quantum jump in mass as end-result. "We have now given up trying to measure and understand this phenomenon" explains professor Stuhre Bang "Some hotly debated theories claim that at certain points new and increasingly complex elements will form, starting with 'Euro-Parlementarium' and continuing with 'United-Nationium' and ending up with 'Universium'" "At this point a huge explosion will occur and a new universe will be born" conclude professor Stuhre Bang worried by reports that the orbit of the moon has been found to be decaying at increasing rates, now up to one centimeter per day.


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