ALPHA v0.3

Because of the fun and sarcastic nature of some of these jokes, viewer & reader discretion is advised. Don't read'em and then complain!

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You Know You'Ve Been In Japan Too Long When...

Topic: regional

You know you've been in Japan too long when... notice you've forgotten how to tie shoelaces. rush onto an escalator, and just stand there. find yourself bowing while you talk on the phone. don't hesitate to put a $160 note into a vending machine.

...when you are talking on the telephone to your parents and your father says, "Why are you interrupting my explanation with grunts?" see a gaijin get on the train and think "Wow, it's a gaijin!" start thinking canned coffee tastes good.

...when you wait for the first day of summer to wear short sleeve dress shirts. don't think it unusual for a truck to play "It's a Small World" when backing up. really enjoy corn soup with your Big Mac. think the opposite of red is white. leave your expensive bottle of Royal Salute with a sleazy barkeeper and don't worry. appear for your first skiing lesson with brand new Rossignol high performance racing skis and an aerodynamic racing suit with color matched goggles. And then snowplow down. buy a potato-and-strawberry sandwich for lunch without cringing.

...when you squat waiting for a bus to come. phone an English-speaking gaijin friend and somehow can't bring yourself to get to the point for the first 3 minutes of the conversation. stop enjoying telling newcomers to Japan 'all about Japan'. automatically remember all of your important year dates in Showa numbers. think every foreign movie title contains the word 'love.'

...people stop complementing you on your Japanese, and start asking you where you had your nose and eyes done. noticed 7-11 changed its onigiri wrapping houshiki for the 3rd time. find a beautiful way to eat natto. are not worried about speeding in the rain, because you know the cops are only out there in good weather. think birds cry. are not surprised to wake up in the morning and find that the woman who stayed over last night has completely cleaned your apartment, even though you'll probably never ever meet her again. get blasted by a political speaker truck and think "sho ga nai..." think its cool to stand in the "Japanese only" queue at Narita Immigration. develop a liking for green tea flavored ice cream.

...your talking to your mother on the phone, and she asks you what "genki" means. think the best part of TV are the commercials. think wet umbrellas need condoms.

.. your mother talks about "you foreigners."

...matter of fact, you've never even been skiing, but the rack looks great on the car... have mastered the art of simultaneous bowing and hand-shaking.

...when you think it's alright to stick your head into a stranger's apartment to see if anybody's home.

...when you find nothing unusual in a television commercial for candy in which a model dressed in a high school girl's uniform comes up behind another model dressed in a high school girl's uniform, grabs her left breast, gives a devilish grin, and skips away. think that you can impress foreigners by drinking Budweiser. have run out of snappy comebacks to compliments about your chopstick skills. think "white pills, blue pills, and pink powder" is an adequate answer to the question "What are you giving me, doctor?".

...when you no longer find anything unusual in the concept of "Vermont curry". think 4 layers of wrapping is reasonable for a simple piece of merchandise. don't find anything strange about a city that puts a life sized, red-and-white painted Eiffel tower imitation in its centre, as well as a scale model of the Versaille Palace for its Crown Prince. are only slightly puzzled by "Melty Kiss."

...a new Gaijin moves to your neighborhood and you know immediately you will get his mail for a while.

ALPHA v0.3