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ALPHA v0.3

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Operating System Airlines

Topic: programming

Operating System Airlines

DOS AIRLINES

All the passengers go out onto the runway, grab hold of the plane, push it until it gets in the air, hop on, jump off when it hits the ground again. Then they grab the plane again, push it back into the air, hop on, et cetera.

DOS w/QEMM

Same as DOS but with more leg room to push.

MAC AIRWAYS

The cashiers, flight attendants and pilots all look the same, feel the same and act the same. When asked questions about the flight, they reply that you don't want to know, don't need to know and would you please return to your seat and watch the movie.

WINDOWS AIRLINES

The terminal is very neat and clean, the attendants all very attractive, the pilots very capable. The fleet is immense. Your jet takes off without a hitch, pushing above the clouds, and at 20,000 feet it crashes without warning.

OS/2 SKYWAYS

The terminal is almost empty, with only a few prospective passengers milling about. Airline personnel walk around, apologizing profusely to customers in hushed voices, pointing from time to time to the sleek, powerful jets outside the terminal on the field. They tell each passenger how good the real flight will be on these new jets and how much safer it will be than Windows Airlines, but that they will have to wait a little longer for the technicians to finish the flight systems. To get on board you have to have your ticket stamped 10 different times by standing in 10 different lines; then you have to fill out a form that states how you want your seating arrangement to be -- whether it should have the look and feel of an ocean liner, a passenger train, or a bus. If you are successful in getting on board and getting off the ground you have a wonderful, enjoyable trip.

FLY WINDOWS NT

All the passengers carry their seats out onto the tarmac, placing the chairs in the outline of a plane. They all sit down, flap their arms and make jet swooshing sounds as if they are flying.

UNIX EXPRESS

Each passenger brings a piece of the airplane and a box of tools to the airport. They gather on the tarmac, arguing constantly about what kind of plane they want to build and how to put it together. Eventually, they build several different aircraft, but give them all the same name. Some passengers actually reach their destinations. All passengers believe they got there.

WINGS OF OS/400

The airline has bought ancient DC-3's, arguably the best and safest plane that ever flew, and painted "747" on their tails to make them look as if they are fast. The flight attendants, of course, attend to your every need, though the drinks cost $15 a pop. Stupid questions cost $230 per hour, unless you have SupportLine, which requires a first class ticket and membership in the frequent flyer club.

MVS AIR LINES

The passengers all gather in the hangar, watching hundreds of technicians check the flight systems on this immense, luxury aircraft. This plane has at least 10 engines and seats over 1,000 passengers. All the passengers scramble aboard, as do the necessary complement of 200 technicians. The pilot takes his place up in the glass cockpit. He guns the engines, only to realize that the plane is too big to get through the hangar doors.


ALPHA v0.3