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Eliminator Announcement

Topic: programming

Eliminator Announcement

ATTENTION BULLETIN BOARD SYSOPS:

Tired of those annoying breakins? Had it up to HERE with people hacking your board? Has your user account been stolen by some little dweebot that cracked your system so many times you need a Cray to keep count?

Then you need . . .

The ELIMINATOR 2000 (tm), (c), (r)!

The Eliminator 2000 is a revolutionary device, about the size of a small sports complex, brought to you by the makers of the Nuclear Powered Potato Peeler, the Spam Fork, the 2-ton Potato Masher and the Apathetic Grenade. Just insert the custom controller card into your BBS computer, after reading the clear and concise 2,500 page randomly numbered instruction manual written in Swahili, and the Eliminator 2000 is ready to protect your system. Its patented nuclear core keeps your system operational and secure for approximately 1200 years.

At the slightest indication of a hacker attempting to break into your BBS, the Eliminator 2000 snaps into action. After making a snapping noise it traces the call to find out the location of the villain (Note: only in areas that support CALLER ID). Then, upon discovering the intruder's location, the Eliminator 2000 feeds the navigational data into an internal ICBM with a modest nuclear warhead. The ICBM is launched and system security is assured mere moments later when the missile bathes the rapscallion with the soothing rays of a 5 kiloton nuclear explosion.

Thus our credo, which should be your credo:

"The only good hacker is an irradiated hacker."

If your area does not support Caller Id then the Eliminator 2000 takes the following actions:

1. It launches a 5 kiloton warhead anyway (in a random direction ensuring that wherever it explodes there won't be anyone there that could *ever* think of hacking your board).

2. The Eliminator 2000 will protect the security of your data by sending a pulse of 3 trillion volts through your serial port, melting all computer components (not to mention the desk it rests on) into a multi-colored river of molten slag, assuring that the hacker cannot get anything out of your BBS.

If you purchase the Ernie Molding attachment, when the slag cools, it will press your BBS remains into an attractive paperweight.

Comes is five attractive colors.

Rush out and order your Eliminator 2000 today!

Price: $2,045.92

Ernie Molding Attachment: $1,095,762,032,172.57

Furnished with four 5 kiloton ICBMs at no additional charge.

* Does not work under any version of DOS above 1.2, Windows (like anything does?) and Windows/NT.


ALPHA v0.3