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The New Sponsors Who Wish To Have O. J. Simpson Represent Them

Topic: ojsimpson

The new sponsors who wish to have O. J. Simpson represent them are:

GINZU KNIVES

Manufacturers of the worlds sharpest blades. Advances in technology not only allow us to produce the sharpest knives available today but after 50 quick slashes the knives automatically self destruct and disappear into thin air.

"This knife will slice through flesh and still cut your tomatoes like butter" (Alternatively - "This knife will cut through a tin can and still slice the throat of your bitch ex-wife and her pretty-boy lover like butter").

THE MONOPOLY COMPANY

Exclusive manufactures and distributors of the world famous "Get out of jail free" card.

JOHNNY COCHRAN ENTERPRISES INC.

Now, you too can enjoy the privileges of being guilty and for $5 million we guarantee you a not guilty verdict.

FORD BRONCO

Escape to freedom in a Bronco

BLOOMINGDALES

Retailers of the best gloves in the world. Guaranteed to shrink after wearing them once. Ideal for use in robberies, breaking and entering, murders or other applications where fingerprints may be undesirable.

THE NEW MARK FUHRMAN DAYTIME TV SHOW

Without OJ nobody would know me. I owe it all to this fine outstanding member of society. I wish all my friends were as innocent as he is.

TIDE DETERGENT "I took this blood-soaked shirt and washed it in TIDE. And they couldn't get any evidence from it!!"

ISOTONER GLOVES

"These gloves fit SO well that one would never fall off at the scene of the crime. Plus, I soaked them in blood, washed them, and look - Two months later my hands slip in comfortably. No shrinkage on THESE babies."

THE GEORGIA PACIFIC PAPER COMPANY

We make the worlds finest paper. Ideal for fake suicide notes.


ALPHA v0.3