theparticle.com

ALPHA v0.3

Disclaimer
Because of the fun and sarcastic nature of some of these jokes, viewer & reader discretion is advised. Don't read'em and then complain!

Alpha
This is an alpha release of this section. If you find any problems or would like to recommend something, please be kind enough to give us some feedback.


BACK

Green Eggs And Sham - A Children'S Book Of The Simpson Trial

Topic: ojsimpson

GREEN EGGS AND SHAM - A children's book of the Simpson Trial

(based on actual court transcripts of the O.J. Simpson murder trial.)

Would you could you kill your wife?

Would you, could you with a knife?

"I would not, could not, with a knife,

would not, could not, kill my wife."

Would you, could you, with a shovel?

Would you, could you, in a brothel?

"I would not, could not, with a shovel,

would not, could not, in a brothel.

I would not, could not, with a knife,

would not, could not, kill my wife.

Did you drop your bloody gloves?

Did you drop them, by the shrubs?

"I did not drop my bloody gloves,

I did not drop them by the shrubs."

Did you speed off in your truck?

Did you think you'd have such luck?

"I did not speed off in my truck,

I did not think I'd have such luck.

I did not drop my bloody gloves,

I did not drop them by the shrubs.

I would not, could not with a knife,

I would not, could not kill my wife.

Did you leave some DNA?

Tell us, tell us, dear O.J.

"I did not leave my DNA,

Will you please just go away!"

Jury, Jury, go and talk,

Decide to jail or let him walk.

"We think there is no need to repent,

it's clear that he is innocent.

He would not, could not with a knife,

He would not, could not kill his wife."

"Your acquittal means so much,

let me tell, I'm deeply touched!

But I have some more to say,

listen - turn your ears this way!

I did leave some DNA!

Fingerprints of old O.J.!

Yes, I sped off in my truck,

yes, I had terrific luck!

Yes, I dropped my bloody gloves,

dropped them in the bloody shrubs!

I did kill her with a knife!

I did kill her, kill my wife!

I did stab her with a shovel!

I would do it at a brothel!

I would kill them here or there!

I would kill them anywhere!"

DID YOU DO THIS AWFUL CRIME?

DID YOU DO IT ANYTIME?

I did not do this awful crime.

I could not, would not, anytime.

DID YOU TAKE THIS PERSON'S LIFE?

DID YOU DO IT WITH A KNIFE?

I did not do it with a knife.

I did not, could not, kill my wife.

I did not do this awful crime

I could not, would not, anytime.

DID YOU LEAVE A POOL OF BLOOD?

DID YOU DROP THIS BLOODY GLOVE?

I did not leave a pool of blood.

I could not even wear that glove.

I did not do it with a knife.

I did not, could not, kill my wife.

I did not do this awful crime.

I could not, would not, anytime.

DID YOU STAB HER JEWISH FRIEND?

IS THAT WHEN YOU CUT YOUR HAND?

I did not, could not stab her friend.

Not sixteen times, then once again.

That is not when I cut my hand

And left those footprints all around

And got that blood all on my socks

And on my hat, and in my truck.

I did not leave a pool of blood.

I could not even wear that glove.

I did not do it with a knife.

I could not, could not, kill my wife.

I did not do this awful crime.

I could not, would not, anytime.

DID YOU LEAVE YOUR DYING SPOUSE?

DID YOU SNEAK INTO YOUR HOUSE?

I did not sneak into my house.

I did not kill my former spouse!

I did not leave and knock her off.

Believe me, I was playing golf!

And sleeping in, and showering up!

And getting cuts from broken cups!

I did not, could not stab her friend.

Not sixteen times, then once again.

That is not when I cut my hand

And left those footprints all around.

And got that blood all on my socks

And on my hat, and in my truck.

I did not leave a pool of blood.

I could not even wear that glove.

I did not do it with a knife.

I would not, did not, kill my wife.

I did not do this awful crime.

I could not, would not, anytime.

WHAT ABOUT THE DNA?

HOW CAN IT NOT BE YOURS, O.J.?

That DNA? In all those spots?

Trust me, Judge, I bleed a lot!

Or either it was planted there

With my cap and with my hair

And with my glove and with my prints.

Believe me, Judge, I'm innocent!

I did not sneak into my house.

I did not kill my former spouse!

I did not leave and knock her off.

Believe me, I was playing golf!

I did not, could not stab her friend.

Not sixteen times, then once again.

That is not when I cut my hand

And left those footprints all around.

And got that blood all on my socks

And on my hat, and in my truck.

I did not leave a pool of blood.

I could not even wear that glove.

I did not do it with a knife.

I would not, would not, kill my wife.

I did not do this awful crime.

I could not, would not, anytime.

YOU SAY YOU DIDN'T KILL YOUR WIFE

AND RONALD GOLDMAN WITH A KNIFE.

WILL YOU GIVE AN INTERVIEW?

ON NBC, OR PAY-PER-VIEW?

WILL YOU AGREE TO NO-HOLDS-BARRED?

GIVE YOUR FRIEND TOM COMPLETE CARTE BLANCHE?

I'd like to give an interview

On NBC, not pay-per-view!

I'd like to answer anything!

I would, I would, believe you me!

I'd like to march for civil rights!

And battered women day and night!

And find out who made my wife bleed

(Strange there's not a single lead)!

And raise my kids to turn out good.

And beautify my neighborhood.

But Johnny says I best lay low

And take it long, and take it slow.

And wait for time to heal the hurts.

(Then maybe I will hear from Hertz!)


ALPHA v0.3