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Topic: military

Murphy's Military Laws:

1. Never share a foxhole with anyone braver than you are.

2. No battle plan ever survives contact with the enemy.

3. Friendly fire ain't.

4. The most dangerous thing in the combat zone is an officer with a map.

5. The problem with taking the easy way out is that the enemy has already mined it.

6. The buddy system is essential to your survival; it gives the enemy somebody else to shoot at.

7. The further you are in advance of your own positions, the more likely your artillery will shoot short.

8. Incoming fire has the right of way.

9. If your advance is going well, you are walking into an ambush.

10. The quartermaster has only two sizes, too large and too small.

11. If you really need an officer in a hurry, take a nap.

12. The only time suppressive fire works is when it is used on abandoned positions.

13. The only thing more accurate than incoming enemy fire is incoming friendly fire.

14. There is nothing more satisfying than having someone take a shot at you, and miss.

15. Don't be conspicuous. In the combat zone, it draws fire. Out of the combat zone, it draws sergeants.

16. If your sergeant can see you, so can the enemy.

17. Never worry about the bullet with your name on it. Instead, worry about shrapnel addressed to 'occupant'.

18. All battles are fought at the junction of two or more map sheets.

18.1 ...uphill

18.2 ...and in the rain.

19. Logistics is the ball and chain of armored warfare.

20. The army with the smartest dress uniform will lose.

21. What gets you promoted from one rank gets you killed in the next rank.

22. A good plan today is better than a perfect plan tomorrow.

23. If orders can be misunderstood, they have been.

24. You are not supermen. (Freshly graduated recruits from Marine boot camp and all fighter pilots, especially, take note.)

25. If it's stupid but works, it isn't stupid.

26. Don't look conspicuous--it draws fire. (For this reason aircraft carriers have been called "bomb magnets.")

27. When in doubt, empty the magazine.

28. Never forget your weapon was made by the lowest bidder.

29. If your attack is going really well, it's an ambush.

30. No plan survives the first contact intact.

31. All five-second grenade fuses will burn down in three seconds.

32. Try to look unimportant, because the bad guys may be low on ammo.

33. If you are forward of your position, the artillery will fall short.

34. The enemy diversion you are ignoring is the main attack.

35. The important things are always simple.

36. The simple things are always hard.

37. The easy way is always mined.

38. If you are short of everything except enemy, you are in combat.

39. When you have secured an area, don't forget to tell the enemy.

40. Incoming fire has the right-of-way.

41. No combat-ready unit has ever passed inspection (Note: No Marine unit has ever failed a combat readiness inspection, which suggests that peacetime inspections are to readiness as mess-hall food is to cuisine.)

42. If the enemy is in range, SO ARE YOU.

43. Beer math is 2 beers times 37 men equals 49 cases.

44. Body count math is 3 guerrillas plus 1 probable plus 2 pigs equals 37 enemy killed in action.

45. Friendly fire -- isn't.

46. Things that must be together to work usually can't be shipped together.

47. Radios will fail as soon as you need fire support desperately. (Corollary: Radar tends to fail at night and in bad weather and especially during both.)

48. Anything you do can get you shot -- including nothing.

49. Make it too tough for the enemy to get in, and you can't get out. (This seems to be the guiding design principle behind the Soviet's BMP and our own Bradley infantry fighting vehicle, both of which nicely package the troops in armored boxes for group destruction.)

50. Tracers work both ways.

51. The only thing more accurate than incoming enemy fire is incoming friendly fire.

52. If you take more than your fair share of objectives, you will have more than your fair share to take.

53. When both sides are convinced they are about to lose, they're both right.

54. Professional soldiers are predictable, but the world is full of amateurs.


ALPHA v0.3