theparticle.com

ALPHA v0.3

Disclaimer
Because of the fun and sarcastic nature of some of these jokes, viewer & reader discretion is advised. Don't read'em and then complain!

Alpha
This is an alpha release of this section. If you find any problems or would like to recommend something, please be kind enough to give us some feedback.


BACK

Microsoft Healthcare

Topic: microsoft

Microsoft Healthcare

THE TOP 12 RESULTS OF MICROSOFT'S TAKEOVER OF HEALTHCARE.

12. The Department of Justice will be all over them because basic health coverage also includes free membership to a Microsoft Health Spa and Gym, and this is clearly unfair competition to YMCA, World Gym, etc. Microsoft will still offer the gym membership for free, but you have to fill out a separate application form to get your membership card.

11. Occasionally, your body will stop and fail to restart, and you'll have to reinstall the heart to get it going.

10. If you get health insurance as a newborn its much cheaper than if you try to get it later on your own.

9. If you ever lose your health coverage, you can just go "copy" someone else's insurance card.

8. If you own another hospital, and you don't want to sell out to Microsoft Managed Health Care Inc, you can count on a Microsoft Hospital and Clinic being built next door, with FREE COVERAGE to anyone who comes in.

7. You'll be charged drastically overinflated prices for minor technical support at the emergency room (well, **not everything** will really change).

6. You can search the web site for your prognosis, and download your prescription, but to talk to a live doctor, it will cost you $195 per visit, unless you buy a ten-pack of incidents/year for $1695.

5. The doctor will gladly receive medical records from other clinics/hospitals, but if you ever go to an outside doctor, the records will get mangled in the process, or MS Doctor notes will use non-industry standard terms to describe symptoms.

4. Pharmacist 1.0 won't be able to fill prescriptions written out by Dr. 2.5 or later.

3. Your health insurance covers free office visits, but to actually see a doctor while you are in the office will cost you an additional $35.

2. Scottish patients (Macs) won't have as good coverage, but the doctors will just charge more for what they do offer.

And the number one result of Microsoft's takeover of the healthcare system:

1. Lowered average time in ICU, since all monitors and therapeutic equipment will be running Windows 95. "I am sorry about your wife... it seems her respirator had a general protection fault."


ALPHA v0.3