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ALPHA v0.3

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Because of the fun and sarcastic nature of some of these jokes, viewer & reader discretion is advised. Don't read'em and then complain!

Alpha
This is an alpha release of this section. If you find any problems or would like to recommend something, please be kind enough to give us some feedback.


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Everyday I Give Thanks To God

Topic: men-women

Everyday I give thanks to God

I was born a man instead of a broad

When Oprah comes on, I turn off the TV

I don't shave my legs, I stand up to pee

I go to a barber, not a beauty salon

Don't pluck out my eyebrows just to draw them back on

Don't wax my pubes so I can wear shorts

I use my turn signal, I understand sports

I pay cash at the grocery, no checks or coupons

Don't take a lot of friends when I go the the john

I don't throw a fit when I break a nail

I don't buy shoes just because they're on sale

I don't apply makeup in my rear-view mirror

I don't think of Bambi when I'm out hunting deer

I drink beer from a bottle, not from a glass

I don't ask my friends about the size of my ass

Let me tell you ladies

Listen to me ladies

I love those things inside of your blouse

I love your pretty faces

Your warm and soft embraces

But if I had my own two boobs, I'd never leave the house

I don't spend hours getting ready for a date

I don't play with dolls unless they inflate

When someone asks me my age, I never lie

After sex in bed, my spot's always dry

I don't read about orgasms in Vogue magazines

I don't mind if my dates try to get in my jeans

I don't spend a fortune on French lingerie

This is the same underwear I wore yesterday


ALPHA v0.3