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Politically Correct Rudolph

Topic: holidays

Politically Correct Rudolph

Original text is followed by the "politically correct" translation.

Original: Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer ...

Translation: Rudolf was a four-hooved ungulate,

Original: Had a very shiny nose ...

Translation: Who, incidentally, possessed a nasal appendage of a maroon lustre.

Original: And if you ever saw him ...

Translation: Consequently, if circumstances were to present themselves that he ever came into your view,

Original: You would even say it glows ...

Translation: You would most undoubtedly remark as to its illuminary qualities.

Original: All of the other reindeer ...

Translation: The multitude of other members of the population in his ecological community,

Original: Used to laugh and call him names ...

Translation: Had previously teased, chuckled boisterously, and dubbed him unspeakable pseudonyms -- the objective of which was to lower his self-esteen and make him miserable.

Original: They never let poor Rudolph join in any reindeer games ...

Translation: They also excluded him from participation in leisure activities consistent with their species.

Original: Then one foggy Christmas eve ...

Translation: However, on the twenty-fourth of December in an unspecified year,

Original: Santa came to say ...

Translation: A mythological, supernatural being inherent to western culture (who symbolizes the Christmas attitude and allegedly brings gifts to children) arrived through the supersaturated, humid air.

Original: Rudolph, with your nose so bright ...

Translation: He formally invited Rudolph, due to his extraordinary nasal characteristic,

Original: Won't you guide my sleigh tonight?

Translation: To stand at the forefront of his snow vehicle with the express purpose that he navigate through the nocturnal mist.

Original: Then all the reindeer loved him ...

Translation: At that point, the multitude of other members of the population in his ecological community who had previously teased, chuckled boisterously, and dubbed him unspeakable pseudonyms, reversed their disposition toward Rudolph to a more congenial, amicable relationship.

Original: And they shouted out with glee ...

Translation: They consequently exclaimed with great exaltation and fervor,

Original: Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer ...

Translation: Rudolph, the antlered mammal with a maroon nasal appendage,

Original: You'll go down in history!

Translation: You shall most certainly be recorded in the annals of time and your memory will be preserved for posterity!


ALPHA v0.3