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Motherhood Ain'T What It'S Cracked Up To Be

Topic: g-rated

MOTHERHOOD AIN'T WHAT IT'S CRACKED UP TO BE

Motherhood is really great

From the first day that you know you're late.

A lovely redness taints your cheeks

And breakfast won't stay down for weeks.

The Doctor pokes and pries and prods

With antiseptic sterile rods.

Oh, motherhood can be a riot

When they put you on that special diet.

Your ankles swell and tummy too.

You crave strange foods like pickle stew.

Your mind is filled with ugly fears.

Your belly button disappears.

Your clothes won't fit you anymore.

You have to shop the "fatty" store.

The kid kicks field goals deep inside.

You curse the day the rabbit died.

You pant and hate familiar stairs.

You must have help in leaving chairs.

You have bad moods, you boil and seethe.

You go to class to learn to breathe.

You start to blame you mate for this

What some fools call "maternal bliss."

When all those labor pains won't halt,

You think: "It's all my husband's fault!"

When your legs are strapped high in the air,

The dirty rat ain't even there!

And when the pain is most intense,

You'd kill the bum for fifteen cents!


ALPHA v0.3