theparticle.com

ALPHA v0.3

Disclaimer
Because of the fun and sarcastic nature of some of these jokes, viewer & reader discretion is advised. Don't read'em and then complain!

Alpha
This is an alpha release of this section. If you find any problems or would like to recommend something, please be kind enough to give us some feedback.


BACK

The No Kids Restaurant

Topic: g-rated

The "No Kids" Restaurant

Announcing the newest idea from the people that brought you "Mick & Don's Federation" and "Nothing says I spent $15 quite like a CD"

Dining without distraction, feast without the feud, scrumptious without the screams... The Child Free Restaurant

How often has your expensive dinner been spoiled by some child that is too young to be in public? How many times has a first date been disgusted when you unconsciously reach for your gun when a small child begins to shriek? Remember the many times you've said to your companion "That kid should not be in here if their parents cannot muzzle them." Well, we have come to your rescue.

Introducing the first Child Free restaurant! Cafe KidFree brings you fine dining... and peace and quiet. Something your body needs naturally!

The idea behind Cafe KidFree

We are sure that many of you find wailing children upsetting to your appetite. What makes it worse is that the parents of the offending child will blithely go about their dinner as if this is commonplace. It might be common place in their home but... they are not in their home. They are in our home now, and we don't put up with that kind of commotion here. If you wanted to hear that, you'd have had your own kids already.

Implementation of Cafe KidFree

Once we become independently wealthy (never mind how), we will acquire a restaurant. Our staff will be the best in the industry, because everyone will flock to our cause. The food? Five star. The service? Fit for a king.

Now, to prove that we are not heartless beasts, at least, not all of the time, Cafe KidFree will actually allow children. The hours that children can be in our restaurant are from 10a - 1p Monday through Friday. Beyond that, if the average American couple, with their 1.5 children, decide to patronize our restaurant, they will be turned away, in the interest of the masses. Cafe KidFree will not allow children at any time on the weekends. You listened to your boss scream all week, why listen to someone else's kid scream on your free time? Someone else pays you to do that.

The future of Cafe KidFree

Once our restaurant becomes wildly popular, Cafe KidFree's creators and proprietors will be hailed as heroes. To further expand our services, we will increase our independent wealth (never mind how), and ascend to the Presidency of the United States. Once we achieve our ill-gotten office, (never mind how) the KidFree(tm) policy will be expanded. Children will only be allowed on U.S. soil from 10a - 1p Monday through Friday. At night and on weekends, the children and any who wish to stand with them will be placed on large Kiddee Barges, similar to the New York garbage barge. The barges will remain a minimum of 2 miles off the coast until they are allowed to reenter the country.

How YOU can help

Our organization is always in need of volunteers or funding. Donations of restaurants, large sums of unmarked cash, or ear plugs are always welcome. Only you can prevent children screaming, only you.

Join our cause today! Long live the peaceful meal!


ALPHA v0.3