theparticle.com

ALPHA v0.3

Disclaimer
Because of the fun and sarcastic nature of some of these jokes, viewer & reader discretion is advised. Don't read'em and then complain!

Alpha
This is an alpha release of this section. If you find any problems or would like to recommend something, please be kind enough to give us some feedback.


BACK

Tips On Your Diet

Topic: g-rated

TIPS ON YOUR DIET

1. If you eat something and no one sees you eat it, it has no calories.

2. If you drink a diet soda with a candy bar, the calories in the candy bar are cancelled out by the diet soda.

3. When you eat with someone else, calories don't count if you don't eat more than they do.

4. Food used for medicinal purposes NEVER counts. Foods in this group include hot chocolate, brandy, toast and Sara Lee Cheesecake.

5. Cookie pieces contain no calories. The process of breaking causes calorie leakage.

6. Things licked off of knives and spoons have no calories if you are in the process of preparing something (e.g., a sandwich and ice cream on a scoop from making a sundae).

7. Move-related foods do not have additional calories because they are part of the entire entertainment package. Foods in this group include Milk Duds, buttered popcorn, Junior Mints, Red Hots and Tootsie Rolls.


ALPHA v0.3