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By Tom Keller Re Funny Stuff

Topic: computer

By: Tom Keller Re: funny stuff --------------------------------------------------------------------------- PROGRAMMING LANGUAGES DEFINED

ASSEMBLER: You shoot yourself in the foot.

ADA: The Department of Defense shoots you in the foot, after offering you a blindfold and a last cigarette.

APL: GN % FT ^ BLT

BASIC (interpreted): You shoot yourself in the foot with a water pistol until your leg is waterlogged and your foot falls off.

BASIC (compiled): You shoot yourself in the foot with a BB using a SCUD missile launcher.

C++: You create a dozen instances of yourself and shoot them all in the foot. Not knowing which feet are real, medical help is impossible.

COBOL: USE HANDGUN.COLT(45), AIM AT LEG.FOOT, THEN WITH ARM.HAND.FINGER ON HANDGUN.COLT(TRIGGER) PERFORM SQUEEZE. RETURN HANDGUN.COLT TO HIP.HOLSTER.

csh: After searching through the manual until your foot falls asleep, you shoot the computer and switch to C.

dBASE: You buy a gun. Bullets are only available from another company, and are promised to work so you buy them. Then you find out that the next version of the gun is the one that is scheduled to actually shoot bullets.

FORTRAN: You shoot your self in each toe, iteratively, until you run out of toes. You shoot the 6th bullet anyway since no exception processing was anticipated.

Modula-2: You perform a shooting on what might be currently a foot with what might be currently a bullet shot by what might be currently a gun.

PASCAL: Same as Modula-2, except that the bullet is not of the right type for the gun and your hand is blown off.

PL/1: After consuming all system resources including bullets, the data processing department doubles its size, acquires 2 new mainframes and drops the original on your foot.

Smalltalk, Actor, et. al: After playing with the graphics for 3 weeks the programming manager shoots you in the head.

Snobol: Grab your foot with your ahd and rewrite your hand to be a bullet.


ALPHA v0.3