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Pentium Jokes -------------

Topic: computer

Pentium Jokes -------------

Q: How many Pentium designers does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: 1.99904274017, but that's close enough for non-technical people.

Q: What do you get when you cross a Pentium PC with a research grant? A: A mad scientist.

Q: What's another name for the "Intel Inside" sticker they put on Pentiums? A: The warning label.

Q: What do you call a series of FDIV instructions on a Pentium? A: Successive approximations.

Q: Why didn't Intel call the Pentium a 586? A: Because they added 486 and 100 on the first Pentuim and got 585.999983605.

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Complete the following analogy: Add is to Subtract as Multiply is to: 1) Divide 2) Round off 3) Random On a Pentium, any (possibly all) of the above.

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Q: According to Intel, the Pentium conforms to the IEEE standards 754 and 854 for floating point arithmetic. If you fly in aircraft designed using a Pentium, what is the correct pronunciation of "IEEE"? A: Aaaaaaaiiiiiiiiiieeeeeeeeeeeee!

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Deodorants and Pentiums: When being close is all that counts.

Pentium processor finally calculates PI, the answer is 3!

Next from Intel: the Repentium. "Pentium rule #1: If at first you don't succeed, round it off."

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TOP TEN (or rather 9.9999973251) NEW INTEL SLOGANS FOR THE PENTIUM. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 9.9999973251 It's a FLAW, Dammit, not a Bug. 8.9999163362 It's Close Enough, 'Cause We Say So. 7.9999414610 Nearly 300 Correct Opcodes. 6.9999831538 You Don't Need to Know What's Inside. 5.9999835137 Redefining the PC -- and Mathematics As Well. 4.9999999021 We Fixed It, Really! 3.9998245917 Division Considered Harmful. 2.9991523619 Why Do You Think They Call It *Floating* Point? 1.9999103516 We're Looking for a Few Good Flaws. 0.9999999998 The Errata Inside.

*********************************************************************** THE TOP TEN (9.9999973251) REASONS TO BUY A PENTIUM MACHINE. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 10. Your current computer is too ACCURATE. 9. You want to get into the Guinness Book as: "Owner of Most Expensive Paper Weight" 8. Math Errors Add Zest to Life. 7. You need an ALIBI for the I.R.S.!!! 6. You want to see what all the fuss is about. 5. You've always wondered what it would be like to be a Plaintiff. 4. The "INTEL INSIDE" Logo matches your Decor perfectly. 3. You no longer have to worry about CPU overheating. 2. You got a great deal from JPL. And the #1 reason to buy a Pentium machine: 1. It'll PROBABLY work!

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Intel has set up an 800 number hotline for Pentium issues. While still downplaying the magnitude of the problem, they nevertheless are offering a way for customers to get in touch. If you have a Pentium machine and want to call them, dial: 1-799.999015-682.999327- 4581.0000526 (exact number may vary).


ALPHA v0.3