ALPHA v0.3

Because of the fun and sarcastic nature of some of these jokes, viewer & reader discretion is advised. Don't read'em and then complain!

This is an alpha release of this section. If you find any problems or would like to recommend something, please be kind enough to give us some feedback.


Are You A Computer Geek? ------------------------

Topic: computer

Are You A Computer Geek? ------------------------

1. A friend opens a magazine full of scantily-clad members of your preferred sex. Do you: A. Openly Ogle B. Act Non-Chalant C. Comment "Gee, that's got to be at least 400 dpi, color!" D. Slip the hand down the pants for a bit of good, old-fashioned executive relief.

2. You're at a party. Someone comes over and asks you your star sign. You: A. Tell them to bugger off B. Lay them one in the groin, then tell them to bugger off. C. I don't go to parties. D. I don't get invited to parties.

3. You're at the head of a large queue in front of a cash-register in a large department store. The register gives a >beep< and stops dead. You: A. Wait patiently B. Plant all the stuff you were going to buy in a nearby baby carriage and call the store detective (to while away the time) C. Break out your ever-present C64 notebook and try to debug the thing D. I don't know

4. You're shopping for some personal hygiene equipment when the chemist runs up saying the prescription database on his 386 is corrupt. You: A. What's a prescription database? B. What's a 386? C. What's personal hygiene? D. What was the question again?

5. A friend wants to borrow a record off you. You A. Lend it out, and tell them it's a boomerang. B. Tell them to go buy it. C. Consult the database to see that status of the record concerned D. Sell it to them for a beer.

6. You'd most like to meet: A. The person who wrote "Gulag Acapeligo" B. The person who wrote "War and Peace" C. The person who wrote MSDOS D. A person who can write

7. You win a "Grocery-Grab" at a local supermarket. You've got one minute to pack a cart with as much stuff as you can. You start: A. In the Liquor Section B. In the Confectionery Lane C. At the Pencil Bar D. At the cash register

8. You've been hit by a car and your life flashes before your eyes. The thing you remember most vividly is: A. Your Mother's voice as a child B. Your first Love C. The Ascii table. D. The tire pressure was maybe a little too high

9. You get to compete on blind date. You have one statement to change the choosers mind about you. You say: A. I've got a 12 inch tongue B. I can go all night C. I'VE GOT A 386SX with 64K Ram Cache D. I've killed 5 people

10. You feel naked without your: A. Electric Guitar B. Wallet C. VT100 reference guide D. Axe

11. You see someone standing on a ledge, about to jump. You can save them if you say the right thing. You say: A. I know things are bad, but do you want to talk about it? B. I feel you just need someone to talk to C. Want to come and play on my C64? D. I bet you haven't got the guts.... . . . Oh, I see you did...

12. You told your best friend the first time you: A. Had Sex B. Had Oral Sex C. Got a Ram expansion D. Killed a cat.

13. No-one understands you like: A. Your Mother B. Your Father C. Your PC D. Your Parole Officer

14. For your 18th birthday you wanted: A. A Car B. A Shaver C. A C64 Cassette Drive D. Some Piano Wire, and the Neigbours Cat

Scoring Mostly A's: You're normal. Boring Boring Boring. You're the sort of person who'll just fritter their way thru life enjoying themselves and having a good time. Shame on you!

Mostly B's: You're mostly normal. Nothing a little ECT can't clear away in any case. You mostly come into the "Mostly A's" above.

Mostly C's: Geek Alert! Break out the pocket protector! With a set of horn rims and a pocket calculator, you're ready for Revenge Part #72. You can be the person that gets beat up all the time.

Mostly D's: So you're a socipath; But that doesn't mean you're a bad person. Just keep taking the Lithium and everything'll be fine

ALPHA v0.3