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ALPHA v0.3

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Because of the fun and sarcastic nature of some of these jokes, viewer & reader discretion is advised. Don't read'em and then complain!

Alpha
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Are You A Computer Geek? ------------------------

Topic: computer

Are You A Computer Geek? ------------------------

1. A friend opens a magazine full of scantily-clad members of your preferred sex. Do you: A. Openly Ogle B. Act Non-Chalant C. Comment "Gee, that's got to be at least 400 dpi, color!" D. Slip the hand down the pants for a bit of good, old-fashioned executive relief.

2. You're at a party. Someone comes over and asks you your star sign. You: A. Tell them to bugger off B. Lay them one in the groin, then tell them to bugger off. C. I don't go to parties. D. I don't get invited to parties.

3. You're at the head of a large queue in front of a cash-register in a large department store. The register gives a >beep< and stops dead. You: A. Wait patiently B. Plant all the stuff you were going to buy in a nearby baby carriage and call the store detective (to while away the time) C. Break out your ever-present C64 notebook and try to debug the thing D. I don't know

4. You're shopping for some personal hygiene equipment when the chemist runs up saying the prescription database on his 386 is corrupt. You: A. What's a prescription database? B. What's a 386? C. What's personal hygiene? D. What was the question again?

5. A friend wants to borrow a record off you. You A. Lend it out, and tell them it's a boomerang. B. Tell them to go buy it. C. Consult the database to see that status of the record concerned D. Sell it to them for a beer.

6. You'd most like to meet: A. The person who wrote "Gulag Acapeligo" B. The person who wrote "War and Peace" C. The person who wrote MSDOS D. A person who can write

7. You win a "Grocery-Grab" at a local supermarket. You've got one minute to pack a cart with as much stuff as you can. You start: A. In the Liquor Section B. In the Confectionery Lane C. At the Pencil Bar D. At the cash register

8. You've been hit by a car and your life flashes before your eyes. The thing you remember most vividly is: A. Your Mother's voice as a child B. Your first Love C. The Ascii table. D. The tire pressure was maybe a little too high

9. You get to compete on blind date. You have one statement to change the choosers mind about you. You say: A. I've got a 12 inch tongue B. I can go all night C. I'VE GOT A 386SX with 64K Ram Cache D. I've killed 5 people

10. You feel naked without your: A. Electric Guitar B. Wallet C. VT100 reference guide D. Axe

11. You see someone standing on a ledge, about to jump. You can save them if you say the right thing. You say: A. I know things are bad, but do you want to talk about it? B. I feel you just need someone to talk to C. Want to come and play on my C64? D. I bet you haven't got the guts.... . . . Oh, I see you did...

12. You told your best friend the first time you: A. Had Sex B. Had Oral Sex C. Got a Ram expansion D. Killed a cat.

13. No-one understands you like: A. Your Mother B. Your Father C. Your PC D. Your Parole Officer

14. For your 18th birthday you wanted: A. A Car B. A Shaver C. A C64 Cassette Drive D. Some Piano Wire, and the Neigbours Cat

Scoring Mostly A's: You're normal. Boring Boring Boring. You're the sort of person who'll just fritter their way thru life enjoying themselves and having a good time. Shame on you!

Mostly B's: You're mostly normal. Nothing a little ECT can't clear away in any case. You mostly come into the "Mostly A's" above.

Mostly C's: Geek Alert! Break out the pocket protector! With a set of horn rims and a pocket calculator, you're ready for Revenge Part #72. You can be the person that gets beat up all the time.

Mostly D's: So you're a socipath; But that doesn't mean you're a bad person. Just keep taking the Lithium and everything'll be fine


ALPHA v0.3