ALPHA v0.3

Because of the fun and sarcastic nature of some of these jokes, viewer & reader discretion is advised. Don't read'em and then complain!

This is an alpha release of this section. If you find any problems or would like to recommend something, please be kind enough to give us some feedback.


Teleprocessing Terminology --------------------------

Topic: computer

TeleProcessing Terminology --------------------------

Application -- To put on paint, wallpaper, etc Access Method -- Door, window, etc Address -- How you find your way home ASYNC -- One sync BISYNC -- Gay sync Byte -- A light snack Nibble -- A lighter snack Bit -- Something to put in a horses mouth Backup -- Use reverse gear Bert -- Ernie's friend on Sesame Street Bipolar variations -- Gay ARTIC bears Bind -- What you get into on a TP call Unbind -- The excuse you use to get out of a bind Block -- Prevent a tackle Bridge -- Lets you cross the bit stream Buffer -- Used to polish cars, floors ,shoes, etc Bus -- A way to ride from one terminal to another Cache -- Better than a check Check character -- You tell him you would prefer cache Carrier Detect -- What a Navy pilot hopes to do after a mission CSU -- Tell the customer to set it up himself Channel -- What you tune your TV to Copper -- A person who gives out speeding tickets Domain -- Similar to Chow Mein and Lo Mein Down Level -- The next floor down Drop -- Didn't catch the pass Error Recovery -- How to get an error back if you lose one Endless -- See "Loop" Encryption -- What Egyptians did with mummies Explicit Route -- How your wife tell you to come straight home Virtual Route -- When you come "straight home" via the bar FELINE -- A furry creature with nine lives, also shreds curtains Fiber -- You get it from bran Filter -- Keeps your oil clean FIREBIRD -- A car made by pontiac Flag -- What you run up the flagpole Frame -- Around a picture, or blamed for something you didn't do Gateway -- Lets you get through the fence Hardware -- Football helmet, armor, hardhat, etc Host -- The person who invited you to the party Hex -- A voodoo curse ISO -- With "metric"...a form of exercise Lan -- What you buy by the acre Lead -- A sales tip Line -- What you use to pick up girls Line Impairment -- When your line doesn't work Link -- Something which falls off a bracelet Lobe -- Where you hang token-rings Loop -- See "Endless" Mark -- A smudge on the paper Moss Terminal -- A rolling terminal gathers none Multidrop -- More than one drop, too many and you're off the team NAK -- Get the hang of it NAUN -- Not a verb NODE -- Gets stuffed up when you have a code Pad -- A place to sit, or an apartment Parallel -- A method of parking along a curb Parity -- Equal pay for equal work Path -- Place to walk Phase Jitter -- What you get from drinking too much Port -- A variety of wine, or where you sail your ship from Protocol -- How to act when you meet the queen Receiver -- Catches footballs, (see "Drop) Repeater -- Says things more than once, more than once Ring -- What the phone does before you pick it up Serial -- A breakfast food Server -- A. K. A. Waiter Session -- With your analyst, about $75 an hour Shift -- Change gears in your transmission Sidestream -- What non-smokers complain about Software -- Silk, cotton, fur, wool Space -- The final frontier Start/Stop -- 08:00/16:45 Sync -- Where you wash your hands T/P -- Mandatory in bathrooms Terminal -- Where you catch the bus Token-ring -- A vehicle for pre-marital sex TP Expert -- A figment of your imagination Trace -- One way to copy a drawing Transmission -- 5-speed, 4-speed, automatic, etc Trouble shooting -- Can't hold the gun steady Turnaround -- What you do when you realize your going the wrong way Twisted Pair -- Deviant sexual activity Up Level -- The next floor up User -- Junkie Zero Insertion -- What a check forger does

ALPHA v0.3