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Cat Physics - And Other Related Laws

Topic: cats-dogs

Cat Physics - And Other Related Laws ------------------------------------ Presented by the Institute of Theoretical & Applied Cat Physics

1.- Law of Cat Inertia A cat at rest will tend to remain at rest, unless acted upon by some outside force. Such as the opening of cat food, or a nearby scurrying mouse.

2.- Law of Cat Motion A cat will move in a straight line, unless there is a really good reason to change direction.

3.- Law of Cat Magnetism All blue blazers and black sweaters attract cat hair in direct proportion to the darkness of the fabric.

4.- Law of Cat Thermodynamics Heat flows from a warmer to a cooler body, except in the case of a cat, all heat flows to the cat.

5.- Law of Cat Stretching A cat will stretch to a distance proportional to the length of the nap just taken.

6.- Law of Cat Sleeping All cats must sleep with people whenever possible, in a position as uncomfortable for the people involved as is possible for the cat.

7.- Law of Cat Elongation A cat can make her body long enough to reach just about any countertop, that has anything remotely interesting on it.

8.- Law of Cat Acceleration A cat will accelerate at a constant speed, until he gets good and ready to stop.

9.- Law of Dinner Table Attendance Cats must attend all meals when anything good is served.

10.- Law of Rug Configuration No rug may remain in its naturally flat state, for very long.

11.- Law of Obediance Resistance A cat's resistance varies in inverse proportion to a humans desire for her to do something.

12.- First Law of Energy Conservation Cats know that energy can neither be created nor destroyed and will therefore use as little energy as possible.

13.- Second Law of Energy Conservation Cats also know that energy can only be stored, by a lot of napping.

14.- Law of Refrigerator Observation If a cat watches a refrigerator long enough, someone will come along and take out something good to eat.

15.- Law of Electric Blanket Attraction Turn on an electric blanket and a cat will jump into bed at the speed of light.

16.- Law of Random Comfort Seeking A cat will will always seek, and usually take over, the most comfortable spot in any given room.

17.- Law of Bag / Box Occupancy All bags and boxes in a given room must contain a cat within the earliest possible nanosecond.

18.- Law of Cat Embarrassment A cat's irritation rises in direct proportion to her embarrassment times the amount of human laughter.

19.- Law of Milk Consumption A cat will drink his weight in milk, squared, just to show you he can.

20.- Law of Furniture Replacement A cats desire to scratch furniture is directly proportional to the cost of the furniture.

21.- Law of Cat Landing A cat will always land in the softest place possible.

22.- Law of Fluid Displacement A cat immersed in milk will displace her own volume, minus the amount of milk consumed.

23.- Law of Cat Disinterest A cats interest level will vary in inverse proportion to the amount of effort a human expends in trying to interest him.

24.- Law of Pill Rejection Any pill given to a cat has the potential energy to reach escape velocity.

25.- Law of Cat Composition A cat is composed of Matter + Anti-Matter + It Doesn't Matter.

26.- Law of Selective Listening Although a cat can hear a can of tuna being opened a mile away, she can't hear a simple command three feet away.

27.- Law of Equidistant Seperation All cats in a given room will locate at points equidistant from each other, and equidistant from the center of the room.

28.- Law of Cat Invisibility Cats think that if they can't see you, then you can't see them.

29.- Law of Space-Time Continuum Given enough time, a cat will land in just about any space.

30.- Law of Concentration of Mass A cats mass increases in direct proportion to the comfort of the lap she occupies.

31.- Law of Cat Probability (Uncertainty Principle) It is not possible to predict where a cat actually is, only the probability of where she "might" be.

32.- Law of Cat Obedience As yet undiscovered.


ALPHA v0.3