theparticle.com

ALPHA v0.3

Disclaimer
Because of the fun and sarcastic nature of some of these jokes, viewer & reader discretion is advised. Don't read'em and then complain!

Alpha
This is an alpha release of this section. If you find any problems or would like to recommend something, please be kind enough to give us some feedback.


BACK

Taxpayer Notification To All Male Taxpayers From Infernal

Topic: adult

Taxpayer Notification To: All male taxpayers From: Infernal Revenue Service Date: January 1, 1994 Subject: Notice of new taxes for all males,

The only thing that the IRS has not yet taxed is your Ding Dong. That is due to the fact that 40% of the time it is hanging around unemployed, 20% of the time it is pissed off, 30% of the time it is hard up and the other 10% of the time it is in the hole. In addition to this, it has two dependents and they are both nuts.

Therefore, effective with the 1994 tax year, your Ding Dong will be taxed according to the following chart:

If it is more than 12 inches long (30.5cm), you will have to file for Capital Gains; see Form 1040Monster.

If it is 10-12 inches long (25.4-30.5cm), you will pay a Luxury Tax of $30.00.

If it is 8-10 inches long (20.3-25.3cm), you will pay a Pleasure Tax of $25.00.

If it is 6-8 inches long (15.2-20.2cm), you will pay a Privilege Tax of $15.00.

If it is 4-6 inches long (10.2-15.1cm), you will pay a Nuisance Tax of $5.00.

In addition, if it is 3.9-4.7 inches in circumference (10-12cm), you will pay a Wiener Tax of $10.00.

If it is 4.8-5.5 inches in circumference (12-14cm), you will pay a Pleasure Tax of $20.00.

If it is more than 5.5 inches in circumference (14cm +), you will pay a Pain Tax of $50.00.

If it is under 4 inches (10.1cm) in length or under 3.9 inches (10cm) in circumference, or if you can prove that you are impotent, your wife or lover may be eligible for a Compassionate deduction.

Also, if you are a eunuch, you may be eligible for a Depletion Allowance. See Form 1040Poorboy.

If it is circumcised, you must pay an additional Severance Tax of $10.00.

If it is uncircumcised, you must pay a special EPA Cleanup Tax of $30.00.

If you are a transsexual, you must pay a Screwball Tax of $100.00.

NOTE: If your return is audited at any time, the measurements you have reported will be checked by the IRS Auditor. Discrepancies will be severely penalized. If the actual length is greater than previously reported, it will be surgically truncated to the length claimed. Also, if there are differences in measurements between one year and the next, you must have your physician provide a completed Form 1040 Peckerchange explaining the discrepancy.


ALPHA v0.3